Today’s blog is written by Dr. Risa Weisberg, a clinical psychologist. Read more about her at the end of the blog.
As the fall semester approaches, excitement about sending your child to college can quickly turn into anxiety—especially if your child is also feeling nervous. Their worries (“What if I hate my roommate?”) can feed your own (“What will they do if that happens?”). And when kids sense our stress, it can amplify theirs. Here are five strategies to manage your own anxiety and help both of you navigate this transition:
- Examine Your Worries
Notice what you’re worrying about and, if possible, write it down. Then ask yourself:
- Is this worry realistic?
- If it did happen, would it truly be catastrophic—or could you and your child cope?
For instance, many students don’t love their freshman roommate, yet still thrive in college. Our minds often overestimate the likelihood of a problem and underestimate our ability to handle it.
Also consider—are your worries about your child, or about yourself? If it’s the latter, make plans for your own transition. Try to schedule something to look forward to, other than just parent’s weekend. What will you do the first few weeks after drop-off? Host a dinner with fellow “empty nesters,” join a gym, or revisit hobbies you’ve set aside.
- Project Confidence
Your child needs to see that you believe in them. That starts with managing your own stress. Prioritize sleep, exercise, time outdoors, and consider trying mindfulness or breathing apps. And find your own support system—friends, not your kid—for venting your concerns.
- Get Organized Early
Anxiety often leads to procrastination. Combat this by creating a checklist of everything that needs to be done before classes begin: tuition payments, loan paperwork, flights, hotel reservations, dorm needs, etc. Being prepared will help both of you feel more in control.
- Set a Communication Plan
In the pre-cell phone era, students often scheduled weekly calls home. While that seems outdated, a loose plan still helps. Without it, you might only hear from your child when they’re homesick or upset, which can skew your perception of how they’re doing. Try agreeing on a quick weekly check-in—maybe a Sunday night text about the best or funniest thing that happened that week.
- Get Help if You Need It
It’s completely normal to feel a little anxious about your child starting college. But if you have a history of anxiety or depression—or if your worries are starting to feel overwhelming—it might be time to seek support. Talking with a therapist can help you manage this transition more effectively, so you can show up for your child with calm and confidence. Taking care of your own mental health is one of the best ways to support theirs.
About the Author
Dr. Risa Weisberg is a clinical psychologist with over two decades of experience helping individuals manage anxiety, life transitions, and adjustment challenges. She is a Research Professor of Psychiatry at Boston University and an Adjunct Professor at Brown University. She sees clients in her private practice, licensed in both Massachusetts and Rhode Island. Dr. Weisberg specializes in evidence-based treatment, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), for adults and college students.
She is currently accepting new patients. Learn more at www.drrisaweisberg.com.
